It is through my experiences with my own mentors and the fortune of being one myself i felt this blog needed to be written. There are some key methods i learned to acquiring a mentor, that i reveal bellow.
What Is a Mentor?
Mentors are knowledgeable people you can look up to for good advice and guidance. It is someone you can seek out, or sometimes a mentor can come to you unsolicited. It's important to always be aware and grateful for treasures like these. I feel most people do not realize the importance of a mentor, or even consider having one!
Why It's Great!
This person has been through all the trials and errors. There is no shame (in fact its quite flattering) to ask someone for advice because you would like to be where they are someday. They can launch you forward in areas you feel you are lacking, whether it is school, a profession, even life obstacles (a life coach is also a mentor) and really give you some good perspective on the direction you should be going and goals you should be making.
How To Be a Good Mentee
If you want to be taken under wing, developing a good relationship, even friendship, is key.
1. Do Not Expect All The Answers.
You have to do the work yourself. Do not expect or feel entitled for someone to give you answers just because they have that knowledge. A mentor has worked really hard to get to where they are. Also, their knowledge gained is how they earn a living! They may even get paid to advise people or teach workshops.
2. Ask Relevant Questions.
Do not overwhelm your mentor with questions. Remember, you have to do the work yourself. So only ask key questions you feel you are having a hard time finding answers for.
3. Be Respectful.
You have to be able to handle hearing "No." And not be a sensitive Nancy about it. As well, if your mentor seems hesitant to answer a question- back off. It is possible to ask for too much sometimes. Perhaps the answer to your question is something your mentor wants you to figure out on your own. Or perhaps you have not earned it yet/established a good relationship. Regardless, their information has value and you need to respect that.
Say thank you. I also love it when someone follows up with how implementing my advice went.
4. You Scratch My Back, I Scratch Yours. (The most key rule)
If you want to continue (or establish) a healthy relationship with a mentor you must show gratitude and repay the favor! ALWAYS credit your mentors whenever you can, anyway you can...word of mouth, social media, on your website, etc.
How i might credit a mentor on social media: "We had a great show! I couldn't have done it without ______. Thank you so much! If you want to learn how we did that group act, check out ______'s workshops at _________."
Send business to your Mentor, offer them cash gratuity, gifts, spend money at their business, take them out for dinner, invite them over for a home-cooked meal, volunteer to help them with their own business, etc. These are a few great ways to scratch back. For example i often volunteer to help traveling performers set up their workshops in my area. I will even go a step beyond and offer that they can crash at my home. Traveling and finding accommodation is a huge stress... Basically, if you can be the kind of mentee that will help your mentor, earn them business/clients or take away any stresses they may have, they will ENJOY helping you!
I learned an amazing lesson from a mentor i had long ago... I was asking her for some more detailed information. She looked at me and said point blank "Buy me a nice dinner and bring your notebook."...Immediately i understood. I realized, this is a business woman! She knew her information had value. I need to start acting like a business woman myself and treating my experience and knowledge with just as much value if i want to get anywhere. I took her out for a nice dinner at a restaurant. I didn't have a lot of money at the time, but it was worth it! The advice she gave me i continue to use to this day.
5. Don't Bite The Hand That Feeds You
Do not use your mentors advice against them or try to rip them off. This is not only going to give you a bad reputation, but others will avoid wanting to help you.
6. Copy Catting vs. Inspiration
It is okay to ask for permission to use a method someone else is using. I suggest borrowing inspiration from others but making it your own. It starts to feel like copy catting when someone wants to do everything the same way you are, and/or its all feeling too similar to your style.
In the burlesque world, this can be a sensitive subject sometimes. If you are uncertain if something is unique to your potential mentor, ask permission, its a sign of respect as well.
A Note To Potential Mentors:
It's true you don't owe people anything. I feel like I have been too polite in the past, feeling like i'm obligated to help everyone was energy draining, and I was being taken advantage of/boundaries not being respected. I have since learned to toughen up a little, it's okay to give tough love when it's called for. But don't be that stuck up person who looks down on people and is tight lipped about everything. It is so much more fun to be a person of inspiration! Just don't let people take advantage of you, there are alot of energy vampires in the form of mentees. If you are giving they should give back. Help guide that happy balance between you and your mentee, and enjoy the unique relationship!
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